company does NOT love misery!!!

Catching up with some old buddies made me think of a few things, sadly it was along the lines of how much misery loves company… one of the guys was a cat that had moved from the area and headed back to his hometown after he finished up his schooling. while he was here, he originally struck me as a bit of an a-type personality with a penchant for being slightly masochistic… he had a darling of a girlfriend who he admittedly treated like crap, he always mulled on and on about how he wasn’t sure why she stuck around with him, blah blah blah… we all kind of let him know in our own little ways that he was being an ass and a fool and “kept it moving”…so i have to admit that i never really got to know this guy, i genuinely liked him well enough to share beer and food with him, but i suppose it was nothing more than a camaraderie of testosterone than anything… more than a few times i’ve told him that he needed to “stick his toes in some sand” (i meant it literally as well as metaphorically… like chill dude, relax). he was the kind of guy that sat in contempt of the world, a bit of an asshole, but you sort of got the impression that he “meant well” if you didn’t take it personally… he was always TIGHTLY wound, he would go on and on about work and this and that, but i always got the feeling that he really DIDN’T have to work 24-7 if he really didn’t want to, turns out it seems that i was kinda right…he’d look at me and wonder how i could be so optimistic and carry on like such (laughing inside, i just outwardly smiled… truth be told it’s a fight to always be upbeat & happy because i battle with deep-rooted “stuff” but that’s not what i opt to show the world, to the world i try to show a smile and a laugh because “woe is me” gets old REAL QUICK! LOL)…i’d always tell him it’s a choice we make and leave it at that…

fast forward to present and this guy has been gone for like a year or so, i caught up with him at a buddy’s b-day party, he looked and acted like a “weirded out” caged rat… no other way to describe it… it turns out that he had dumped his girl (this i already knew and knew that she was hurt by it) and had been carrying on with some married chick when he went back home to work! now it seemed that he was in love with her and she with him, but because she wasn’t leaving her husband he was left feeling lonely and shitty… on and on he kept going about how “right now there’s a chick who loves me and it hurts that i can’t be with her…” and on and on about, “i don’t know if you’ve ever been so lucky but i am and it’s killing me” and on and on about, “it’s a once in a lifetime feeling , but it’s a shitty feeling and i’m not happy”…dude NEVER took into consideration that there’s a REASON why she’s NOT LEAVING HER HUSBAND and running off with his ass!!! soon i stopped feeling sorry for him and just looked at him as SORRY!!! he seemed to constantly hone in on folks perceived misery and attempt to yank teeth out…like looking at the b-day boy and talk about how his first marriage was fucked up and whether or not the chick he was with would be true and good to him… like dude, SHUT THA FUCK UP!!! then he goes on and on about how he’s not happy at work and how being a doctor is boring and though he’s GOOD at being a surgeon he could give two shits about the folks he works on…then he goes on about how he’s a bit of a trust fund kid (this i didn’t know) and didn’t have to really work if he didn’t want to… so now i’m like, dude get some counseling and work it out, when you hit reality let me KNOW!!! …i really wanted to dropkick some sense into him! i still liked the guy and genuinely wanted him to be happy, but there wasn’t much i could do but bite my tongue and listen while he whined and vented about the injustice of love, life and the pursuit of happiness…of course he was staying with his ex while in town (i thought, “hmmm, moving from masochist to sadist huh?”)

so the other night he’s back in town, one of our mutual buddies calls me up for a guys night out, so i head out and see mr. masochist there, i genuinely give him a big ‘ol hug but as we sit down i notice that he kind of really LOOKS LIKE SHIT!!! and is acting even more quirky and moody, soon he sets in on asking me shit, and saying stuff like, “dude you don’t look happy” and “why don’t you think you deserve happiness?” truth be told i was feeling very happy, pleased to be out and enjoying what i thought was going to be uplifting company. i’m starting to get too pissed to confront him, because i know that it’s not going to come out right… so i just sit and play along with only answering what i have to…he knows that my relationship w/my daughter and her mother is less than desirable so he starts in on asking about that, and “how jaded i must be at the whole experience!” i’m so livid that i found myself taking DEEP BREATHS and trying to find sadly funny things about his disheveled appearance to keep me laughing. he even touched on a few racially inappropriate comments…i suddenly realized that this cat was trying to pull me own with him, push a button or two to see how far he could get, like i was socially beneath him and had no right to feel better than he. and the funny thing is that once i realized that, he became more like a sad nod of the head than a nuisance, a cautionary tale of how success doesn’t naturally equate happiness. i couldn’t believe that this rich, privileged, close minded dude could be such an ass…but perhaps it was because of all those things that he is an ass…i wanted to give him a hug, tell him that i really hoped he’d find happiness of self and quit bitching… but i realized that my words would fall on deaf ears and instead opted to tune out his whining and phrases of “dude, i can see that you’re not happy. you have to believe that you can allow it. i;m not happy but i’m doing the best i can. folks can’t really judge me.”…the next time this sadly damaged dude is in town, i think i’ll opt to stay home and sit on the toilet! LOL (less shit to deal with, even with my fiber filled diet! LOL)